I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
