The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
