found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
