I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
