I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
