He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
