He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
