Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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