I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
