idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
