He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
