I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
