I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
