I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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