dude i'm inner monologue high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
In America we eat man semen.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
