I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
