somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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