Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
