The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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