This house was built for laser tag.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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