what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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