with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
