Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
