i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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