my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
