And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
