even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
