it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
