Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
