What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
