Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
