I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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