He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
