The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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