Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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