I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
