Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
