Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
