there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
