Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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