my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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