I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
