There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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