I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
