Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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