I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
