She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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