I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
zippers are such a cool invention
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I enjoy the company of your penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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