I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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