So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
