Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
