yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
