you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
