I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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