Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
