if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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