the condom got lost in my hair
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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