I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
