I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
