Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
